a little light for your day

As you'll see, this is not the typical video that I would post here at toliveboldly -- But I received a lovely reminder about this beautiful video from one of the greatest men in my life (my brother)... which just reminded me about how wonderful he is and how blessed I am to be his older sister.  It encapsulates so much about the human reality, love, death, family, life and joy... I hope that you enjoy this little bit of light.

oh the places we'll go

Jill McDonald via Positive Inkling

As I continue to blog, I am learning bits and pieces about myself.  For example, I have learned that I need to either write in silence (not even the beautiful harmonies of my favorite musicians can intrude) or inside of the white noise found only in the busiest of cafes.  I have learned that it takes days to seek out inspiration and hours to write and edit a post -- lovingly pouring over every word, every reflection (most commonly about learning to love ourselves through reflection and wellness), and, still, the habit to negatively criticize myself for poor writing or, more commonly, for being "not enough" in a post rears is ugly head... forcing me to challenge that self-doubt and actually live out the words that I write (for that I am eternally grateful).  This blog has inspired deeper reflection, more authentic living and the necessity to be patient with myself (and my body).  And, again, for that, I am undeniably, eternally, forever in debt to you all.

From you, I would ask for patience, as well -- as I transition from the Seattle transplant who has all the time in the world to read, write, workout and reflect to the real-world me, with distractions, stressors and, as you have read, the human frailty of the common cold.  This is where the rubber meets the road, where the desire to learn more, read more, reflect more is met with the need to pay bills, sleep and schedule life in.  As I said in last week's post, toliveboldly will be regularly updated each Friday with lovely little tidbits scattered in throughout the week for added flavor.

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This past week, I asked my twitter followers for suggestions for this week's blog posting, and thank goodness for their brilliance, as their suggestions provided plenty of reflective meat for me to chew on!

Little backstory... When I entered college as a freshman, I began my fall semester as a pre-med student.  I had, for years, created an image in my head of myself as a pediatrician or family practitioner (funny, even then, I knew that the hardcore elements of medicine would be too much for me...) and, when the pre-med advisors told us that only 1/3 of us would graduate with a pre-med concentration, I was sure that that would be me.  Obviously, we know how that turned out... 

I discovered, about halfway through my spring semester, that, while I most certainly could have lived out the 8-10+ years of med school and residency (gulp)... medicine was not my greatest passion.  And so I found myself taking classes in what is actually a true passion of mine -- the always intriguing field of human behavior.  I assumed that I was meant (see what I get when I assume?!) to be a therapist -- after all, isn't that what psychology majors are built for?  But this past year, after years on a path built for a therapy practice and six months into a graduate program for just that, I realized that I had built my path on a faulty assumption.  After withdrawing, I was left with the question... if not this, then what am I meant to do? 

I am continually fascinated by our society's concept of a career path.  In a world where the average person will change jobs every five years, we hold to the idea that we are meant for one career and built to see it through for the 30+ years that we reside in the working world.  We continue to ask children, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  We perpetuate the concept that whatever they choose - a policeman, a doctor, a dancer - will be what they are for the majority of their adult lives... almost as if that is the whole of the adult identity. But, while that may have been our nation's reality for previous generations and is actually how some individuals work best, for the majority of us, it will be an ever-changing, ever-evolving part of our lives. In fact, the transitions in our lives necessitate this evolution.  Just as the recent graduate wrestles with the question of "what next?" -- so too is the new retiree faced with the question of purpose: "How am I going to spend my time?  Where am I going to focus my passion?  What have I always wanted to do?" But, whether we are driven to find the one career that we can sink into for years or seemingly bounce from experience to experience, I believe that our career, our work, our "what I am I meant to do?" is not so much about defining our existence but about cultivating our truest selves and living out our life's purpose.

After withdrawing from my graduate program, I dove headfirst into answering the question of "what am I meant to do?"  I restructured my resume, I interviewed for positions I had never considered before, and I worked in fields that I would never have imagined for myself.  And, while I'll admit that I still feel far from knowing exactly where I would like to go in my career or how to get there, these experiences of reinvention were revealing and transformative.  I have learned that I have strengths, passions, things that get my fire burning and challenge me in a way that transcends my field of employment.  I have learned that there is power in community, both positive and negative, and I have since been more attuned to its effect.  I have felt certain elements resonate with my authentic self and others noisily grind in protest against it.  I have grown through actively seeking out new experiences as well as focusing inward to reflect on my deeper desires, goals, and priorities.

While, for me, my questions are, as of late, directed towards my future career path, my instinct is that this reflection is a transcendent part of life, one that can be applied to the future just as much as to how I am going to live out my purpose, my priorities, and my values in the present.  Our life's purpose -- which I would also define as our signature presence -- is more than what we do, it's who we are in this moment and what we impart, in our authenticity, to the world.

Our purpose, our understanding of it, and how it is lived out in the present moment is, with reflection, always changing, always growing -- the elements of our signature presence revealed and refined.  What about for you?  How are do you see your purpose -- your strengths, inclinations, passions and authentic self -- revealed?  How has it shaped your career aspirations or choices? How have you seen your signature presence revealed and refined?

Want to connect outside of toliveboldly?  Email me at toliveboldly at gmail dot com!

Have a beautiful weekend, my wonderful friends, and remember to be kind to yourself!

get up and move

Somehow, I managed to start autumn off on a rough note... with a sore throat and total lack of energy, but it's meant that this week has had a definite theme for me: getting and staying healthy.  This has resulted in me finding ways to workout despite the cold, forgoing the usual ramped up cardio workout for a low-key yoga session and biking or walking to run errands, eating healthy and, always, remembering to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!

It's also meant a little extra time to do the personal research that I love -- finding new research, health tips and more -- which means that I get to pass them onto you!

As autumn ramps up with work, sports, school and more -- what are you doing to keep a fitness routine?!  I want to know!

Also, make sure you check out some of the benefits of an A.M. workout!

nugget

"The most common way people give up their power

is by thinking they don't have any."

Alice Walker

can food be addictive?

We've all experienced those insane cravings (did I forget to mention last week's desperate search for a chocolate fix that involved not one but two trips in the car to find satisfaction...?).  Whether its ice cream, cookies or your personal comfort food, researchers are recently discovering a link between our neurological firings and food addiction -- and the bingeing that sometimes goes along with it.

Check it out and leave your comment below!  What are your reactions?!

don't miss this

My deepest apologies for a lack in posting!  This week has, long story short, been an adventure -- one of knowing myself, making really tough decisions and putting emotional and mental health first!

As always, I am completely humbled that you are here to join me in living boldly. Every moment has been such a blessing -- challenging, definitely -- and such a gift.  I wanted to be as transparent as possible and let you wonderful people know that, starting on September 28th, I will be regularly updating each week on Fridays!  Make sure you check in throughout the week for the occasional irresistible snippet, link or health and wellness link!

Anyhow... Since leaving the Pacific Northwest, I have been completely in love with local Seattle music.  My absolute favorite, and one you CANNOT miss if you love good music, is the incredible Kris Orlowski Band.  Honestly, as soon as I hear the soothing, soulful sounds of Kris Orlowski's voice, I completely melt...  AND they are giving away a free download of a brand new collaboration with Seattle violinist Andrew Joslyn (whose sweet strings you can hear in collaboration with other Northwest artists, like Macklemore and Ryan Lewis)!!  Click on the image to check it out, I promise you won't regret it! (Did I mention that it's FREE?!)

Image via KrisOrlowski.com

doing the work

"Problems do not go away.  They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit."

The Road Less Traveled

M. Scott Peck

This past week has been a particularly difficult one for blog writing. Each time I would sit down at my computer to begin the process of brainstorming, writing and editing (and re-writing and re-editing), I found myself without inspiration.  And, while I could easily chalk it up to writers block or just plain laziness, the truth is that it was just a plain old difficult week.

Since moving to Flagstaff, I have found myself full of energy, excited to create change, live boldly, and explore the world of wellness.  I have been writing, reading, working out and... very slowly... learning how to cook healthful foods.  I have been able to battle those tricky self-critical thoughts with joyful exuberance and hopeful optimism.  And, while I have still been working out on a daily basis and maintaining my healthy diet, this week has been... different.  I have had moments of complete self-doubt, exhaustion and total vulnerability, fighting an internal battle between fear and courage.  Part of me cried out to return to a boxed-in version of myself, to give up and give in to my familiar counterparts - guilt and shame.  The other part of me battled back, fighting tooth and nail to stay strong, remain confident and trust the process. 

In essence, I was doing the work.

I just recently finished (as in... today) the book that I have been reading for almost a month - The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck.  My gorgeous and brilliant sister, two years my junior and one of the most honest, authentic and passionate women I have ever known, has been (not so subtly) suggesting that I read the book for almost three years now.  My mother, a sponge for wisdom and knowledge, followed suit, urging me to borrow her well-loved copy of the book.  I am not sure why I fought the suggestion for so long, but I am certain that there was a wisdom to why I waited until this moment to finally open the pages.

As it was my mother's copy of the book, loved over, ragged and missing its cover, I took notes in my journal, copying down passages word for word that inspired me as I read.  In looking the passages over, the passage above struck a chord in me: problems do not go away.  Do the work.

Perhaps it was the emotional result of the past week or the conversations that I have had with friends over the course of the past few days, but, whatever it was, I am reminded that this lifelong journey of self-discovery, positive self-change and internal opening is one of work.  It is inevitably one of pain, grunting, and fighting. But joy is its reward.  As Peck says,

"Move out or grow in any dimension and pain as well as joy will be your reward.  A full life will be full of pain.  But the only alternative is not to live fully or not to live at all."

The growing pains are just that... painful.  The honest truth is that, whether we choose to look at them, our negative patterns, deep-seated anxieties, and familial/cultural issues play out in our relationships, even in the one that we have with ourselves.  Prior to leaving Seattle, I saw a therapist for almost three years, and I can't tell you how much I have grown from the challenge of therapy.  But, there is still so much work to be done, so many internal assumptions to be challenged and negative patterns to be explored.  And, through all of it, freedom to be found.

To be truly compassionate, to love deeply, to live fully and wholly, we have to do the work.  If you've been waiting to make a commitment to yourself, don't waste another minute.  The war is full of fear and heartache, but there is liberation and joy found, as well.  Know that you are not alone, that there are others along the way, battling alongside you, allies in the struggle.  You are courageous and worth the fight.  

"Courage is not in the absence of fear; it is in the making of action in spite of fear, the moving out against the resistance engendered by fear into the unknown and into the future."

The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck

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On a personal note: If you are currently looking into finding a therapist, please do your research.  Look for reviews, ask trusted family/friends and get recommendations from your community.  Ask questions.  Not all therapists are created (trained) equal.  If you are in the Seattle metropolitan area, please do not hesitate to contact me for recommendations.

to love

While reading M. Scott Peck's book The Road Less Traveled (Why have I not read this book before?! Just goes to show you that my sister has some crazy wisdom - having recommended the book to me for the past three years...), I found this lovely and challenging reflection on how we love our partners.  I just knew that I had to share:

"The Prophet"

The Prophet of Kahlil Gabran, p. 15-16

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be like a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

organic v. conventional: a follow-up

For those of you following along, last week I posted a link to a new Stanford study cited in the NY Times regarding whether to buy organic versus conventional produce!

Here's an interesting article regarding the controversy surrounding the Stanford Organic Food Study.  Enjoy!

attunement

Photo by Katie Krueger

Lake Margaret, Duvall, Washington

My youngest sister, pictured above in a split-second moment of serenity, is an eleven year old miracle child.  Ask any of us, and we'll tell you that she is a plant, a gift placed into our lives to make every moment a little more magical.  Adopted from China 10 years ago this January, she is hilarious, imaginative and unbelievably insightful.

One of the most incredible things about her is her true connection and attunement to her body.  Since coming home to us, she has shown the most amazing knowledge of her body and its needs.  And, without a word, she fulfills those needs.  She's getting sick?  She'll drink more of the broth from her soup than usual.  Sleepy?  She'll find a place to rest or announce that she is heading to bed early.  Even more miraculously, as she begins the adolescent process, this innate connection is becoming psychological and spiritual as well.  She knows when the pubescent phases come and instinctually knows what's really her and what's coming from the hormones, apologizing for her short temper or irritable mood while still being able to acknowledge her truer emotions.  Not that she's perfect -- just a heck of a lot more insightful than I was at 11 (... and might still be at times).

One of my many goals this year is to re-attune to myself, to my body and its needs, to my spirit and its desires.  As I have shared before, I am a perfectionist and a should-girl, lazy and self-sacrificing in the most unhealthy way.  I believe that, in our culture, we are taught to separate the different parts of ourselves, the physical and psychological, the spiritual and the sexual (gasp! did she just say that?!), our bodies, our minds, our souls.  Even down to the way that we eat -- we lack a connection between what our bodies need and what we crave psychologically, letting our wounded, over-stressed, over-worked psyches lead us to devoid our bodies of nourishment and care.  We rest without truly resting.  We work without ever knowing our purpose.  To live wholly, boldly, in-tune with our most authentic selves, it is going to take a conscious commitment to resetting those societal impulses and a dedication to reconnecting the different pieces of ourselves.  And that's where the beautiful work begins.

As the emails from the many wellness and fitness websites I follow excitedly shared, this month is National Yoga Month.  Believe me, I am anything but a yogi. Though I've joined my much-more-flexible and meditative mother and sister in the yoga studio once or twice,  I am inflexible and impatient and, up to this point, have never given yoga a true chance.  But -- as I am up for anything on this journey, especially something that balances the meditative and physical aspects of embodiment -- I am up for the challenge (do your research first!)!

I'm now on my fourth yoga workout (I am switching off between hitting the yoga mat and my usual cardio routine) and, I'll tell you... I suck.  I still can't touch my toes and the grunting that goes on while I'm breathing into some of those poses is down right embarrassing!  But I'm still in it, pushing through the embarrassment and the awkwardness that comes with growing into a practice.

What about you?!  What are you doing this month in your commitment to wellness?  I would love to hear, learn and grow with you!

Want to read more about being in tune with your purpose?  I found this great article!

"should"

Stop "should-ing" yourself.  I could NOT have said it better.

With love, 

A perpetual "should-er"

with your whole heart

Oh. My. Goodness.  I just rewatched this for I think the 20th time (yes, it's THAT good) -- and I knew that I had to share it with you all.  Please, I beg you, carve 20 minutes out of your day to check this out! I would love to know your thoughts and reactions!

to buy organic or conventional

For those of you who are interested in the organic movement, check out this article from the New York Times' wellness blog citing new research in the great debate!

when things fall apart

Good evening, my beautiful friends!  I hope that you had a lovely Labor Day weekend and are settling sweetly into another week.  This past weekend, my dearest and I had a full weekend, traveling to Phoenix for a couple of days for an extended-family Labor Day picnic followed up with a hike through the Lava Tubes just north of Flagstaff!  It was so lovely to get out and do something active on such a beautiful weekend, especially after a whirlwind couple of days down south.  Plus, it was strenuous enough to definitely count for a workout!  What about you?!

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Via ModCloth

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One of my recent subjects of contemplation over the past few weeks (yes, I know... there are quite a few!) has been about what happens when the decision you've made, the effort you've invested or the changes you've begun seem to have been in vain.  You can't see a result, you've hit a wall, you've failed (or at least convinced yourself that you have).  For me, there is an ingrained fear within... that I'll make a mistake, end up disappointed, or feel as though I have failed.  And there is a survival instinct within me that tells me to hide, to stay small, to choose only the paths that are assured and known.  A little voice speaks, saying, "Don't make a mess, don't make a change.  You may want more out of life, but you don't know how it will turn out.  Stay where you know." Fortunately, there is also a courageous voice, one that SHOUTS to be bold, make mistakes, and choose the messiness of life in its fullness.

The truth is that bold choices sometimes leave us prostrate, face-down on the floor, as we've tripped and fallen, made a mistake or "failed."  Maybe your business plan, the one you've put your blood, sweat, and tears into, halts to a stop.  Maybe you've made drastic changes to your lifestyle, quit smoking, changed your diet, made daily exercise a priority, whatever it might be... and still don't see results.  Maybe a relationship ends.  Maybe you wake up one day and realize that the career-plan you've envisioned for yourself isn't what you're meant for.  With bold living comes the risk of failure.  In an attempt to live more courageously, more fully, we are bound to make mistakes.  We are hurt, disappointed, discouraged.

But the greater truth is that these mistakes are the seeds of beautiful, courageous fruit (sounds delicious, doesn't it?).  Our mistakes, failures, rejections - whatever it is that you want to call them - they are gold for learning and growth.  We are supposed to make mistakes, it's part of the human existence.  Even the fabulously wise (nerd alert!) Albus Dumbledore said, "I make mistakes like the next man.  In fact, being -- forgive me -- rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger." 

It's not easy to get up and try again. I am an intense perfectionist -- every mistake, every failure, every disappointment... it knocks me down hard (sometimes for days or weeks... honestly). I take my disappointments to heart, and it takes a huge step of internal courage to shake it off.   And there is fear in that.  To change my career path, my home, my lifestyle -- there is fear in that risk.  What if I don't succeed?  What if I struggle financially, emotionally, physically?  There are days when my new commitment to wellness doesn't seem like it's doing anything.  There are days when I don't know if I will reach my career goals.  But, ultimately, I have the choice between living a life of fear - scared to make a mistake, scared to take a risk - or to live boldly, courageously, wholly.  Each mistake, failure, rejection, wall you hit, is a building block for success.  As Henry Ford says, "The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing."  I know that it might seem cliche, but positive change creates positive results.  Bold living means taking a risk - facing the fear of failure or disappointment - but it's this bold living that creates courageous success.  

Whatever positive, bold moves you are making -- remember that you are courageous and strong, strong enough to fail big.  Let go of that fear.  Step into the possibilities for greater learning and growth.  Make some huge mistakes and surprise yourself with your success, even when it doesn't look like you thought it would.  

"Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor."

Truman Copote

Jay Roeder via Positive Inkling

a salute to labor day

Happy Labor Day weekend, everyone!

What are your plans this holiday weekend? Remember to be kind to yourself!