not cool, robert frost

Two roads diverged in the woods,

and I took the road less traveled.

And it hurt, man!

Really bad.

Rocks!

Thorns!

And glass!

... not cool, Robert Frost!

But what if there really were two paths?

I would be on the one that leads to awesome.

holding gratitude

 

 

"Piglet noticed that though he had a Very Small Heart,

it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude."

-A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh-

 

I am grateful.

 

In the midst of a crazy week, hours cut at work, insurance benefits lost, and the anxiety that surrounds the question of What Next?, I am grateful.

 

For opportunity.

For the undeniable blessing of the basics.

For a family that spans space, time, and bloodlines.

For hours upon hours of The Office on Netflix.

For the ability to ask What Next?

For more time to write.

For a sometimes-too-full belly.

For a warm home filled with loving, warm bodies.

For cuddles.  And hugs.  And sweet words of affection.

For more time to read.

For a loving, hilarious sweetheart who understands me.

For a comforting savings account.

For growth.

For what is known.

For what is unknown and possible.

For more time to workout.

For health and happiness.

For passion.

For sitting in the anxiety of what might be.

For phone calls.

For plane tickets.

For compassion, understanding and deep love.

For rainy days that remind me of home.

For a clean bill of health.

For deeper learning and joyful exploration.

For adventure.

For more things than I could list in a lifetime.

 

What about you?

 

 



finding purpose

It doesn't happen often that I post twice in one day,

but I couldn't help but pass along this gem.

It's exactly what I needed to hear today.

 

The Myth of Finding Your Purpose.

 



success.

I basically love this:

 

The Secret Ingredient for Success.

 

Read it.

 



we need to talk

Supervisor: Hey, Katie, do you have time to chat this afternoon?

The words set off an immediate reaction. The equivalent of hearing your partner say, "We need to talk."

Me: Yeah, sure, of course!

Let the internal freak-out begin. Must keep a smile on my face. Don't let the anxiety show.

Supervisor: Half an hour or so?

Me: Perfect!

Perfect?!  Who am I kidding?  I just want to get it over with.  As I return to my office, I can almost hear my mind whirring with the possibilities.  Immediately, I fly into assumption-mode.  What did I do wrong?  Paperwork?  Did I cross a boundary?  Did I say something wrong?  My mind churns, as I try to think back on where I could have misstepped. 

This, by the way, has always been my first reaction, my first assumption.  What did I do wrong?  As a lifelong perfectionist, my reactions are steeped in shame.  I've become a pro at critical self-talk -- my arsenal full of personal flaws, at the ready for moments like these.  If something goes wrong, my first assumption is that that thing must be me.  Playing the self-blame game has become almost second-nature, damaging not only my relationship with myself but my relationships with those that I love.  Instead of opening up moments of conflict to become opportunities for authentic relational growth, it causes me to focus on my personal short-comings rather than the potential in strengthening my most valued connections.

But, as in all things, I am learning -- with the help of my partner, family and friends -- to transform that instinct for critical self-talk into some serious opportunities for self-love.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about one of the new books that I'm reading, The Happiness Project by author Gretchen Rubin -- who, utilizing wisdom from academics and philosophers alike, lived (and wrote about) a year of integrating different happiness practices in her life.  Last week, after visiting her (pretty fabulous) website, I signed up for her "Happier at Home: 21-Day Relationship Challenge."  Each day, Gretchen sends, via email, a different tip for integrating happiness practices into your relationship -- make sure you check them out, it's not too late to sign up!  The funny thing is that, while I am so inspired in learning new ways to love my partner, her tips are teaching me new ways to love myself!  Only five days into a three-week challenge, I am finding that each of her tips can be transformed into a practice of self-compassion.

Day One: Kiss in the morning, Kiss in the night. Ok, ok, it doesn't directly translate, but the practice of showing yourself and your loved ones affection, does.  Why not use this moment to listen to your body and show it some serious love?  Take a bath, go for a run, take a yoga class.  How do you show your body appreciation and love?

Day Two: Give gold stars.  You make it a habit to verbally affirm those around you, whether they are family, friends or co-workers.  Why not turn it around on yourself?  Take this moment to appreciate one of your strengths.  Say it out loud if you want to -- you need to hear it.

Day Three: Make the positive argument.  One of the first lessons in fair fighting is to never make broad generalizations.  Finding yourself speaking some critical self-talk?  Use this moment to turn it around.  Instead of listening to your internal self-critic as it speaks to your weakness, take this moment to instead focus on what makes you strong.

Day Four: Under-react to a problem.  Ok, so we all screw up, we all have moments of stress or anxiety.  Don't ignore or minimize the responsibilities that you have, but take this moment to breathe and "under-react," facing your stressors or that screw-up from a place of peace and calm.

Day Five: Give warm greetings and farewells. So... I had a harder time applying this directly.  But I realized that, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I rarely take the time to kindly greet myself and speak kindness to my body.  Speak some love -- what do you appreciate about your body?

What about YOU?!  How do you find opportunities to cultivate self-compassion?!

By the way, as it usually happens, my talk with my supervisor had nothing to do with any mistakes that I made.  My critical self-talk and search for flaws was just my shame speaking.

love embodied.

the potential of what might be

"A ship is safe in harbor,

but that's not what ships are for."

 

Warning: ugly admission approaching. 

 

I hate not being in control. 

 

It probably makes me sound like a crazy person, but, hey, that's the risk in being vulnerable, right?  I don't mean to say that I'm a raging control-freak or anal to the point of being maniacal... but there is a part of me that tenses at the unknown, an anxiety when confronted with the uncontrollable.  I fast-forward movies to know how the conflict resolves.  My monthly financial freak-outs result in hours of financial organization and pages of projected income/expense worksheets.  I am the queen of to-do lists, grocery lists, packing lists. 

 

I hate not being in control.

 

A few months ago, I began a new position working with a local social service agency here in Flagstaff.  Honestly, I love it.  It's challenging, enlivening, and awakens my creativity.  While our agency is huge and serves the vulnerable in our community in any number of ways, my role, as an in-home family support specialist, is quite specific.  I, along with my team, work with families that have been referred to us by state agencies, stepping-in in the their moment of crisis to stabilize the family and work through underlying issues.  Even on those days when it feels like our interventions are hitting a wall, I feel completely engaged in the challenge to transform.

 

However, like most social service non-profits, we are beholden to a larger financial structure... one that has been hit hard by budget cuts and economic depression.  Despite the work that we do, we are threatened with downsizing, lay-offs and more.  And, to be completely honest, as a planner, it's been... well, tough.  I play with the possibilities in my head, working out the logistics of each possible outcome.  I stress about the finances, consider other alternatives, question whether I should, in fact, be doing this work. 

 

But, over the weeks, my anxieties have transformed into a practice of letting go.  Where I once spent most of my time working out the options in my head, weighing each possibility and trying to find ways to control the outcomes, I finally realized that the truth is that... I am not in control.  While, yes, we can budget a little tighter, go out to dinner a little less, find ways to plan meals that capitalize on savings, I have to, sometimes daily, remind myself that I am not in control.  And, while I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month, the truth is that, at this moment, despite the unknown of the future, I have the choice to live with joy.  To realize that I love my life, my job, my family and my friends.  To be assured that, whatever comes down the pipeline, I am blessed, gifted and held. 

 

Believe me, it's not easy.  Many days, my anxieties get the best of me, my mind whirring on overdrive with logistics and outcomes.  But I remind myself that what comes will come and, whatever the outcome, today I get to practice letting those anxious urges go and just be present.  Instead of holding on, desperately grasping for control, I have the opportunity to open up and make room for the potential of what might be, potential that would be held captive by my quest for the knowledge of what comes next.

 

I hate not being in control.  But I'm working on it.

 

"You do not need to know precisely what is happening,

or exactly where it is all going.

What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges

offered by the present moment,

and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope."

-Thomas Merton-

secrets of adulthood

I am loving this book!  While reading The Happiness Project, I discovered author Gretchen Rubin's hilarious "Secrets of Adulthood" -- and I had to share!  

Do you have any secrets of adulthood to share?!

SECRETS OF ADULTHOOD

People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think.

It's okay to ask for help.

Most decisions don't require extensive research.

Do good, feel good.

It's important to be nice to everyone.

Bring a sweater.

By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.

Soap and water remove most stains.

Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.

If you can't find something, clean up.

You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you like to do.

Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.

What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.

You don't have to be good at everything.

If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.

Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

What's fun for other people may not be fun for you - and vice versa.

People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.

You can't profoundly change your children's natures by 

nagging them or signing them up for classes.

No deposit, no return.

the new fat

Word on the street is that stress is the "new fat."  In a culture where the new year brings a slew of hopeful (albeit usually broken) weight loss resolutions, research shows that we may (cough, cough, may?!) be focusing on the wrong side of the equation.  Janesse Bruce, a health and wellness media veteran, writes: "I see that the obesity crisis now has a sister crisis that threatens to knock it out of top billing: stress. Like its sibling, stress is an economic, medical and social problem of epidemic proportion and is making us emotionally depleted, physically sick, and, incidentally, fatter." 

We are a society bathing in stress.  We are traumatized, repeatedly, by the news media, stretched to our financial limits by American consumer habits, challenged to perfection by corporate competition, and exhausted by expectations.  And it shows.  Just like with our weight loss goals, we look for quick fixes and surface-level lifestyle shifts to make the change.  As Brene Brown says, "We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history." 

It's at this point that I make a vulnerable admission.  Despite my greatest personal hopes and expectations, attempts at lifestyle transformation, and... the fact that I write a blog focused on health and wellness, I am a walking knot of anxiety and stress. 

I'll be completely honest and admit to the fact that I am naturally (and probably genetically) high-anxiety and a true perfectionist -- cue the monthly financial freakout and my-house-is-too-cluttered heart palpitations.  But the past month - with the threat of cuts at work, a car accident, and a bout with the flu - has been particularly anxiety-fueled.  And, instead of relying on my well-researched, wellness-based methods of stress-relief, my default patterns of self-destruction include a menagerie of sugary treats, mind-numbing tv shows, and hours of "what if" ruminating.  Rather than cultivating practices of mindfulness and gratitude, I have found myself knee-deep in anxiety, my mind spinning with future worries.  And it's not only my thoughts that have been consumed... the stress trickles out into conversations and interactions with those that I love most.

Something needs to change.

I am not typically one that believes in New Year's resolutions.  When almost 80% of New Year's resolutions are broken... well, I can't put much stock in their power.  However, I am one for making goals.  Small, manageable, reachable goals.  Research continues to show that goal setting is transformative for success -- whether it's physical, emotional or fiscal.

While going through one of my "my-house-is-too-cluttered" anxiety-fests last week, I took a gander at one of my bookshelves and glanced upon a book that I had purchased years ago but never managed to read...

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT: 

Or why I spent a year trying to sing in the morning,

clean my closets, fight right, read Aristotle, and generally have more fun.

Gretchen Rubin writes with brilliant authenticity, allowing readers, allowing me, to openly approach the idea of making small, concrete goals to make more room for joy.  By exploring the works of famous philosophers and reputable academics, the book chronicles her monthly happiness project, making small, manageable changes in her daily habits and everyday perspectives.  I could not be more grateful for this inspiring find, as I search for a way to replace my stress with habitual joy.  As often occurs when I read, my reflections bring deeper motivation, daily inspiration and external reminders to cultivate practices of wellness, changing my habits and patterns through small changes.  Conveniently, Rubin has divided and themed her monthly goals, to be combined in the final month in one joyful month of happiness practices.

For January, Rubin's focus is to Boost Energy, breaking it down into manageable parts and citing findings from philosophers and academics alike in the creation of her goals:
*Go to sleep earlier
*Exercise better
*Toss, restore, organize
*Tackle a nagging task
*Act more energetic

For myself, I am working to create my own list of energizing goals and continue to be inspired as I read further!  I'm walking more, making a pile for donation, and finding ways to declutter my environment... though, I'll be honest, that sleep thing is sounding pretty good right about now.

-----------------------------------

What about for you?!  What are your goals this year?  What are some small, concrete goals that will help you boost your energy and make room for a little more joy?

something worth remembering

Dear Human:

You've got it all wrong.  You didn't come here to master

unconditional love.  That is where you came from and where

you'll return.  You came here to learn personal love.

Universal love.  Messy love.  Sweaty love.

Crazy love.  Broken love.  Whole love.  Infused with divinity.

Lived through the grace of stumbling.

Demonstrated through the beauty of... messing up.  Often.

You didn't come here to be perfect.  You already are.

You came here to be gorgeously human.

Flawed and fabulous.

 

.:author unknown:.