letting go of Hollywood

A couple of weeks ago, I finally conned my honey into watching "Christmas Vacation".  (I know what you're thinking, who has to con someone into watching that masterpiece of a Christmas movie?!  But my dear sweetheart is a die-hard reality fan and so it takes time to convince him to watch a holiday flick rather than the latest episode of "Amazing Race".)  And, as things often do, the movie set off some holiday reflection for me. 

Basically, it comes down to this: I am Clark Griswold.

Ok, a younger, prettier, much more feminine (and probably not so angry) version of Clark Griswold.  Thanks to all of the perfect Hollywood Christmases I've watched year-after-year and, honestly, a really hilarious, joy-filled childhood (that would be me you see in that photo above wearing the always-fashionable tree-skirt... yes, the tree-skirt was a part of my traditional holiday garb), I have in my head what the holidays are supposed to look like.  The perfect tree.  The warm lights.  The perfect family photo.  The smells and sounds and traditions (all with their own Christmas soundtrack playing in the background... cue the Bing Crosby). 

But, like Ellen Griswold says to Clark, the pictures in my head, the "perfect" Christmas, well, they are ideals that no family could live up to... it's a myth.  Those high (and ridiculously unrealistic) expectations lead to disappointment and heartbreak (and sometimes tears), rather than the joy and gratitude that I so wish to cultivate.  Time and time again, I build pictures in my mind, all of my hopes and wishes and expectations thrown into one red and green basket.  And time and time again, my reality looks different. 

But, the coolest thing is that, if I put aside those idyllic Hollywood moments, the reality is better than anything I could conjure up.  Being present to my family, friends and partner creates moments that could never be replicated on the big screen.  Should my parents have attempted to plan the perfect Hollywood Christmas moments, I am sure they would have never included their daughters donning their tree skirt (a tradition that was passed down to my youngest sister just a few short years ago... the tree skirt is in well-loved tatters at this point).  Or those times when we dressed up in matching Christmas outfits and lipsyched to the Spice Girls.  Or sleepovers in each other's rooms on Christmas Eve, only to be jolted awake on Christmas morning by my brother and sister blasting Mariah Carey's Christmas album. 

The reality is that putting up the tree has always been a pain, and our family photos always have at least one moment of awkwardness in them.  Christmas morning has always been messy, the wrapping paper filling up nooks and crannies for days to follow.  And we never get enough sleep.  But the reality is so much better than anything that I could possibly imagine.  I work to remember that as I create new traditions, spend new holiday moments with my wonderful (and incredibly patient) sweetheart.

This morning, as I step off the plane in Seattle, ready for a much-too-short weekend of family and friends, I am actively working to be present, to not let myself get wrapped up in hopes and wishes but to let myself be grateful for the moment.

the anxiety closet

For many of us, the holiday season is filled with stress and anxiety, family expectations and painful traditions.  Here's an beautiful, authentic article about how to move past our anxiety this holiday season.  Hint: it has something to do with seeing past ourselves.

the family drama

For many of us, rather than Hollywood's version of idyllic family togetherness, the holiday season means awkward, stressful and sometimes painful family interactions... even just the anticipation of those family get-togethers can be anxiety-producing.

Here's a great article about how to work through those tough family moments during the holiday season!

Wishing you joy and peace.

xx

a season of health

Photo credit: K. Krueger, 2012

Happy Friday, friends!

It feels as though it has been an eternity since my last substantial post -- though, I'll be honest, I was so grateful to take a week off and really be present during the Thanksgiving holiday.  We drove down to Phoenix and spent the most relaxing weekend with family and friends.  On Thanksgiving Day, my honey and I both unplugged from phones, computers and social media (other than phone calls to my amazing family in Seattle and New York), and it was the most beautiful blessing.  Such a freeing experience to be fully present to the moment!  Crazy enough, it was almost a culture shock to return to it all the day after!

The most beautiful part of the weekend?! (Other than fabulous family and friends, of course.)

We have "officially" entered the most wonderful time of the year!  It might seem ridiculous, it might seem cheesy... but I am a certified holiday nutcase (which should come as no surprise to most of you).  And, while I'll be honest and admit that I snuck in my fair share of Christmas tunes before the Thanksgiving holiday, I feel like I am finally free to let my Christmas-loving, winter-adoring flag fly high!  There are moments, the ones where I am twirling to Christmas music or find myself filled with childlike wonder at a holiday display, that I catch my sweetheart staring at me, eyes laughing and a huge smile across his face as he watches his love captured by the joy of the season.  Each day, when I get to return home after a day of work to light candles and curl up, basking in the light of the Christmas tree, I am filled with gratitude and warmth.  The living room is decked out in holiday joy and my sketchbook is covered with wintery and hopeful inspiration.  It's the joy that makes even the coldest days a little warmer.

But my deep love for this season inspires in me an even greater appreciation for its flip-side.  Hidden within the glittery trappings of the Christmas season, there lies a pervasive sadness, filled with consumerism, anxiety, loneliness and poverty.  For many of us, this is the most painful time of the year.  Holiday stressors - both material and emotional - cause many of us (myself included) to react in destructive ways, many of which are socially accepted during this time of year. We spend a fortune, losing ourselves in overcrowded malls trying to find the biggest, best, newest gifts. We indulge ourselves in delicious foods - hiding our stress in emotional eating. We use substances to numb our anxiety. We turn inward rather than finding connection in community. And, in my opinion, some of it is only natural. For many of us, this season, while bright and light and joyful on the outside, also contains some of our most painful memories.  Those internalized family traumas, the disappointment of unrealized hopes, the painful reality of financial and emotional strain.

This month, as the holiday triggers present themselves in very real ways, I am inspired to explore - with you by my side - how to find, maintain and thrive through emotional and physical health. 

For me, my anxiety presents itself in the desire to eat every sweet in sight (and there are so many delicious ones!), and I am only now learning how to create healthy habits to combat my desire to drown my stress in sugar.  Whether its family anxiety, financial pressure or just the sadness we can't place, there are so many ways to create healthy habits rather than allowing ourselves to be victim to destructive reactions and patterns!

What about for you?! As you look inward, where do you desire to grow this month? Share in the comments below!

to cultivate gratitude

Image: Freya via Positive Inkling

Happy Thanksgiving week, y'all!

In the spirit of the holiday, I wanted to pass along this

great article about cultivating gratitude!