secrets of adulthood

I am loving this book!  While reading The Happiness Project, I discovered author Gretchen Rubin's hilarious "Secrets of Adulthood" -- and I had to share!  

Do you have any secrets of adulthood to share?!

SECRETS OF ADULTHOOD

People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think.

It's okay to ask for help.

Most decisions don't require extensive research.

Do good, feel good.

It's important to be nice to everyone.

Bring a sweater.

By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.

Soap and water remove most stains.

Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.

If you can't find something, clean up.

You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you like to do.

Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.

What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while.

You don't have to be good at everything.

If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.

Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

What's fun for other people may not be fun for you - and vice versa.

People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.

You can't profoundly change your children's natures by 

nagging them or signing them up for classes.

No deposit, no return.

the new fat

Word on the street is that stress is the "new fat."  In a culture where the new year brings a slew of hopeful (albeit usually broken) weight loss resolutions, research shows that we may (cough, cough, may?!) be focusing on the wrong side of the equation.  Janesse Bruce, a health and wellness media veteran, writes: "I see that the obesity crisis now has a sister crisis that threatens to knock it out of top billing: stress. Like its sibling, stress is an economic, medical and social problem of epidemic proportion and is making us emotionally depleted, physically sick, and, incidentally, fatter." 

We are a society bathing in stress.  We are traumatized, repeatedly, by the news media, stretched to our financial limits by American consumer habits, challenged to perfection by corporate competition, and exhausted by expectations.  And it shows.  Just like with our weight loss goals, we look for quick fixes and surface-level lifestyle shifts to make the change.  As Brene Brown says, "We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history." 

It's at this point that I make a vulnerable admission.  Despite my greatest personal hopes and expectations, attempts at lifestyle transformation, and... the fact that I write a blog focused on health and wellness, I am a walking knot of anxiety and stress. 

I'll be completely honest and admit to the fact that I am naturally (and probably genetically) high-anxiety and a true perfectionist -- cue the monthly financial freakout and my-house-is-too-cluttered heart palpitations.  But the past month - with the threat of cuts at work, a car accident, and a bout with the flu - has been particularly anxiety-fueled.  And, instead of relying on my well-researched, wellness-based methods of stress-relief, my default patterns of self-destruction include a menagerie of sugary treats, mind-numbing tv shows, and hours of "what if" ruminating.  Rather than cultivating practices of mindfulness and gratitude, I have found myself knee-deep in anxiety, my mind spinning with future worries.  And it's not only my thoughts that have been consumed... the stress trickles out into conversations and interactions with those that I love most.

Something needs to change.

I am not typically one that believes in New Year's resolutions.  When almost 80% of New Year's resolutions are broken... well, I can't put much stock in their power.  However, I am one for making goals.  Small, manageable, reachable goals.  Research continues to show that goal setting is transformative for success -- whether it's physical, emotional or fiscal.

While going through one of my "my-house-is-too-cluttered" anxiety-fests last week, I took a gander at one of my bookshelves and glanced upon a book that I had purchased years ago but never managed to read...

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT: 

Or why I spent a year trying to sing in the morning,

clean my closets, fight right, read Aristotle, and generally have more fun.

Gretchen Rubin writes with brilliant authenticity, allowing readers, allowing me, to openly approach the idea of making small, concrete goals to make more room for joy.  By exploring the works of famous philosophers and reputable academics, the book chronicles her monthly happiness project, making small, manageable changes in her daily habits and everyday perspectives.  I could not be more grateful for this inspiring find, as I search for a way to replace my stress with habitual joy.  As often occurs when I read, my reflections bring deeper motivation, daily inspiration and external reminders to cultivate practices of wellness, changing my habits and patterns through small changes.  Conveniently, Rubin has divided and themed her monthly goals, to be combined in the final month in one joyful month of happiness practices.

For January, Rubin's focus is to Boost Energy, breaking it down into manageable parts and citing findings from philosophers and academics alike in the creation of her goals:
*Go to sleep earlier
*Exercise better
*Toss, restore, organize
*Tackle a nagging task
*Act more energetic

For myself, I am working to create my own list of energizing goals and continue to be inspired as I read further!  I'm walking more, making a pile for donation, and finding ways to declutter my environment... though, I'll be honest, that sleep thing is sounding pretty good right about now.

-----------------------------------

What about for you?!  What are your goals this year?  What are some small, concrete goals that will help you boost your energy and make room for a little more joy?

something worth remembering

Dear Human:

You've got it all wrong.  You didn't come here to master

unconditional love.  That is where you came from and where

you'll return.  You came here to learn personal love.

Universal love.  Messy love.  Sweaty love.

Crazy love.  Broken love.  Whole love.  Infused with divinity.

Lived through the grace of stumbling.

Demonstrated through the beauty of... messing up.  Often.

You didn't come here to be perfect.  You already are.

You came here to be gorgeously human.

Flawed and fabulous.

 

.:author unknown:.

sick day

Hello, my lovely friends!

Unfortunately, toliveboldly is taking a sick day today -- we've been hit with a bug!

Back next week with a brand new year!

xo

letting go of Hollywood

A couple of weeks ago, I finally conned my honey into watching "Christmas Vacation".  (I know what you're thinking, who has to con someone into watching that masterpiece of a Christmas movie?!  But my dear sweetheart is a die-hard reality fan and so it takes time to convince him to watch a holiday flick rather than the latest episode of "Amazing Race".)  And, as things often do, the movie set off some holiday reflection for me. 

Basically, it comes down to this: I am Clark Griswold.

Ok, a younger, prettier, much more feminine (and probably not so angry) version of Clark Griswold.  Thanks to all of the perfect Hollywood Christmases I've watched year-after-year and, honestly, a really hilarious, joy-filled childhood (that would be me you see in that photo above wearing the always-fashionable tree-skirt... yes, the tree-skirt was a part of my traditional holiday garb), I have in my head what the holidays are supposed to look like.  The perfect tree.  The warm lights.  The perfect family photo.  The smells and sounds and traditions (all with their own Christmas soundtrack playing in the background... cue the Bing Crosby). 

But, like Ellen Griswold says to Clark, the pictures in my head, the "perfect" Christmas, well, they are ideals that no family could live up to... it's a myth.  Those high (and ridiculously unrealistic) expectations lead to disappointment and heartbreak (and sometimes tears), rather than the joy and gratitude that I so wish to cultivate.  Time and time again, I build pictures in my mind, all of my hopes and wishes and expectations thrown into one red and green basket.  And time and time again, my reality looks different. 

But, the coolest thing is that, if I put aside those idyllic Hollywood moments, the reality is better than anything I could conjure up.  Being present to my family, friends and partner creates moments that could never be replicated on the big screen.  Should my parents have attempted to plan the perfect Hollywood Christmas moments, I am sure they would have never included their daughters donning their tree skirt (a tradition that was passed down to my youngest sister just a few short years ago... the tree skirt is in well-loved tatters at this point).  Or those times when we dressed up in matching Christmas outfits and lipsyched to the Spice Girls.  Or sleepovers in each other's rooms on Christmas Eve, only to be jolted awake on Christmas morning by my brother and sister blasting Mariah Carey's Christmas album. 

The reality is that putting up the tree has always been a pain, and our family photos always have at least one moment of awkwardness in them.  Christmas morning has always been messy, the wrapping paper filling up nooks and crannies for days to follow.  And we never get enough sleep.  But the reality is so much better than anything that I could possibly imagine.  I work to remember that as I create new traditions, spend new holiday moments with my wonderful (and incredibly patient) sweetheart.

This morning, as I step off the plane in Seattle, ready for a much-too-short weekend of family and friends, I am actively working to be present, to not let myself get wrapped up in hopes and wishes but to let myself be grateful for the moment.

brilliant words

... from a brilliant woman.

.:wishing you love and light:.

voice of my childhood

"When I was a boy, and I would see scary things in the news, 

my mother would say to me,

'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.'

To this day, especially in times of disaster,

I remember my mother's words,

and I am always comforted by realizing that there are

still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world."

-Mister Rogers-