fiery

This evening, I was speaking with a very dear friend about who we desire to be -- I don't mean the career aspirations, though that can definitely be a part of personal purpose.  What I mean is the essence of who we are, the energy we exude, what we want to authentically bring to the table.  It's not about some kind of mask or changing into someone different - that, in fact, would be against the whole purpose - but actually who you, in your authentically, beautiful, sometimes-broken self, want to be.

Last September, I entered into a graduate program in the Seattle area with the goal of obtaining my masters in counseling.  And, while I ultimately decided this past February to withdraw from the program (that's another story, which, rest-assured, will be revealed), the program itself was life-changing, self-altering and soul-freeing -- and an experience that has led me to this place.

While I was there, I met some of the most incredible people I have ever had the blessing to encounter.  Smart, strong, self-reflective, these souls are authentic, courageous and passionate -- and set on changing the world, or even simply themselves (which, let's face it, is a miracle in and of itself), to be more compassionate, reflective.  These encounters -- along with a heck of a lot of self-reflection -- inspire me to live boldly.

For me?  I want to be fiery, strong, courageous, brave.  I want to be woman to behold -- not in intimidation or fear -- but one with purpose, strength, boldness and compassion.  I want to love deeply and wholly.  I want to relinquish fear and step into growth, change and a full life.  I want to inspire... myself.  I want to be my authentic self, confident, humble, and joyful -- to allow myself and others to love themselves and care for themselves.  

These are not parts of me that I have to conjure up, they are not foreign pieces that I somehow need to use to mask my insecurities or failings.  They are me.  Within me, I have the strength to be this woman. I am this woman.

Believe me, as a perpetual should-girl, do-gooder and live-in-the-box-they-made-for-me resident, I know how hard this is.  Everyday, everyday, I work to overcome the self-doubt and external judgment (real or imaginary) that presses against who I am.  And sometimes, I feel an internal caving. But, at the end of the day, I am the only one who gets to be me.  And I'm kind of liking the fiery woman I see.

* k *