my favorite wall

One of the beautiful things about moving
is being able to create a new space for yourself.  

This wall -- made up of prints of Seattle landmarks,
a dishtowel (yup, that's right, I put a dishtowel on the wall),
a bookshelf filled with my favorite books
and photos of my favorite people --
is absolute bliss to me.
It also happens to be the view from the comfiest spot at home,
a couch gifted to me by my beautiful sister and brother-in-love.

How do you create spaces you love?

a change in space

First of all, have I mentioned how undeniably humbled and grateful and excited I am that you have decided to join me in living boldly?!  This experience has been so incredible so far -- inspiring, challenging, thought-provoking and, above all, connecting.  It's been so beautiful hearing your stories, reconnecting with old friends and family, and learning about what inspires, touches and challenges YOU.  I want to know more!  So please email, message, comment, tweet (@kkatie_kins)!

A little backstory about me -- in college, I graduated with a degree in psychology, and, I'll be totally honest, I am a complete nerd when it comes to the fascinating world of human interaction.  Anyhow, one of the phenomenon that you learn about in psych classes is that of place-based learning (I am sure there are other, more eloquent names for it).  Essentially, researchers have found that there is a distinct connection between location and memory.  For example, say you learned all about the fascinating world of biology in room Reiss 103?  Your memory of those lectures are integrally linked with that space, and you will test better at the end of the semester if your final is held in Reiss 103.

Like that phenomenon (stay with me now), I am slowly discovering how a change in location or habit can create the necessary shift for deeper growth, new inspiration and renewed energy.  It's almost as if sometimes, when sticking to the status quo of our lives, we trap ourselves, allowing our energy to become stagnant, hanging out in the rut that we have created for ourselves.  There is no more room to grow, no inspiration to try something new or different.  The contentment we have found (which, by the way, is a beautiful gift!) morphs slowly into monotony.  But life is not limited to Reiss 103.  Just as in a college course the semester ends and you travel to a new room with a new professor for new knowledge, there are times in our lives when, to continue our self-growth, to know ourselves and our world deeper, we are called to move.

I don't mean move in the sense of a move to a new city or country (though sometimes, that's what it takes) -- what I mean is to get moving, to change something small, to knock your oh-so-regulated universe a little out of whack for the sake of self-growth.  Change your workout routine.  Stop at a different coffee shop on the way to work.  Take a class you've always wanted to take.  Take a vacation (you remember what those are, right?).  Try being a morning person.  Changing our habits, our location, has a way of changing our perspective, allowing those moments of inspiration to trickle in.  While this needed change was indeed an inspiration for my move out of Seattle, I have found that every little change in location, surrounding or habit has a way of changing my outlook and energy.

But change is scary, it takes risk and a trip into the unknown.  It is guaranteed to shake things up, to shake YOU up.  But that's where it gets beautiful.  I recently read a reflection on the idea of "fitting out" -- rather than fitting in.  Sometimes its our fear of what others might think -- or, for me, the eternal "should-girl" self-judgment -- that holds us back from making a change, denying ourselves the opportunity to recharge our lives and discover something new (even if it's the ugly, mucky stuff that comes with self-growth).

My life right now is full of the big changes... new town, new job (hopefully), new not-so-long-distance relationship norms, new place to call home.  And, while those things are certainly shaking things up in my life (just ask my sweetheart -- I've shed so many tears, they could fill a lake), they are also revealing such incredible new avenues!  Passions that I'm just now giving myself space to explore, room to transform my habits and health, and mindful moments to discover self.  Not to mention the excuse to go a little crazy, be a little emotional and experience the free-fall feel of the who-the-heck-knows-what's-coming-next.

What about you?!  Where are you creating the space to grow, change, discover?

There have been moments in my life when to look in the face of change is just overwhelming, when the strain and stressors of life have taken it out of you to the point that one more change is too exhausting to bear.  Be mindful, give yourself the gift of rest.  Discover yourself in that gift.

But, if it hasn't been a while since someone kicked your backside into gear, how are you going to move?  Make it small, make it doable and forget the excuses!  I'd love to hear from you, learn from you, gain some inspiration and wisdom from you!  Maybe in joining together, we can be courageous and live boldly together.

(**For the record, I needed to get out of my inspiration rut today, and this post is being written from a new, previously unexplored coffee shop in downtown Flagstaff... which makes some killer soy chai lattes, in case you were curious.**)

how lovely.

What a beautiful find from Heidi Bee Designs.

Inspires me to live with an open heart!

committed to wellness

Now that all of the boxes have been unpacked, the pictures perched on their walls and the rooms impeccably organized (have I mentioned that I'm anal in that way?), I am left with an increasing amount of time to sit, read, and reflect on this new adventure.  Even more than that -- what I want to do with this time that I have been gifted!  As with any new beginning, I am given a choice in how I want to be, where I want to be involved and how I want to prioritize my time.

Time and again, however, my mind returns to the concept of self-care and wellness, a topic I began exploring here a few days ago in my post titled "rest."  As my family, friends and mentors can attest, this is not my strongest quality.  I have a habit, an ingrained pattern, of ignoring self, ignoring wellness.  And, while sometimes this self-denial is wrapped in a pretty bow of busyness and self-sacrifice, the truth is that I don't make the choice to care for myself, to make health and wellness a true priority.  I have, at times, put everything - my school-work, my job, my can't-miss tv schedule (you know, the important stuff) - above making wellness a priority.  To focus on wellness requires effort, education, and commitment.  And, truth be told, while I have had an on-and-off affair with healthy eating and exercise, I have never committed to seeing it through.

The ironic thing is that my core values -- authenticity, compassion, honesty, justice -- are made impossible without a commitment to wellness.  

My mind is awhirl with hopes, goals, and inspiration -- places I want to go, things I want to do, parts of me that I am dying to discover -- but, for any of these to become a reality, the foundation of all of it must be a commitment to health and wellness, healthy living and self-care.  And, to be honest, it's one of the things that I am most excited about!  

I am soaking in the knowledge, reading like a maniac, finding different ways to workout on a daily basis (especially at a 7,000 foot elevation!) and learning how to make healthy eating a reality while on a strict budget.  How about you?  How are you making health and wellness a priority? What do you want to know more about? Come be a partner on this journey!  Research has shown that social networks improve health -- I would love to learn from you, too!  

No more excuses!  Commit to yourself.

morning inspiration with a kick of caffeine.

Found this sweet mug on the KIN SHIP website.

How awesome would it be to wake up to this kick in the pants?

What are your goals?  What's stopping you?

"Whatever you want to do, do it now.  There are only so many tomorrows."

- Michael Landon -

my daily reminder

I have been waiting for the perfect place to put this beautiful print -- made for me by the one and only ellolovey!  It found its home right next to my mirror in the bathroom for an uplifting reminder every morning.  Life is good.

rest

My deepest apologies for the delay in posting!  The lack of internet and total emotional exhaustion combined for an unintentional blogging haitus.  Still working on both of them - the internet and the exhaustion - but I've found a small blogging window!

The road trip from Seattle to Flagstaff triggered reflection in a number of different directions - transition, adulthood, individuation, and more.  And, as I unpack the experience (quite literally sometimes), I am finding myself drawn to the subject of rest - rest, relaxation and recuperation.

As a perpetually-busy perfectionist, rest is not something that I have perfected.  I am the queen of to-do lists, organization and productivity, even when I am just running errands on the weekend.  Which, in the best of situations - with a daily workout and a healthy diet, usually works for me.  However, when combined with universally stressful life experiences - like, say, a move halfway across the country, leaving family and friends, or attempting to both find a job and engage in career growth - this go-go-go attitude gets me into a bit of trouble.  This past week has been a prime example.  All I can say is that I am grateful for a responsive and optimistic father and a supportive, patient and forgiving sweetheart.

I knew that the emotional repercussions of this huge life risk would hit me at some point -- my utterly incredible therapist and I spent some quality time preparing for it -- but I'll be honest, I was not prepared for how subconscious it would be.  Guaranteed, my dad and honey were unprepared as well.  As we packed and drove the 1,300 miles to our new town, my mind was a non-stop whirlwind of thoughts -- job, unpacking, to-do lists, who to contact, job, unpacking, errands to run... on and on.  Arriving in Flagstaff brought more of the same, maybe worse -- the anxiety revealed through headaches, lack of sleep, ruminating thoughts and a sometimes short temper.  I didn't give myself - my mind, especially - a moment to rest.  Everything triggered tears - a misplaced word, a new and unknown experience, missing my beautiful family - I felt (maybe still feel a little) out of control.

And so, an integrally important piece of risk-taking reveals itself: rest.  Emotional, physical and spiritual rest.  This is a really new journey for me -- but one that I am so excited and willing to learn more about.  Rest is not only a gift to oneself, it's the only way to maintain health - for yourself and all of those that you so selflessly give to, whether you're a parent, student, sibling or friend.  For me, it's a step to loving myself -- one that I consistently neglect.

There are so many time-tested methods to stress-relief and relaxation -- meditation, breathing exercises, a good workout, a hot bath, so many more.  In fact, meditation has been proven to have a number of biological and emotional benefits, including increasing neuroplasticity, or the brain's ability to change, pain relief, a greater sense of well-being, significantly drop blood pressure and may, in fact, play a role in countering the effects of aging (as seen here and here).  Whatever your form of rest looks like -- today, for example, I listened to my wholly exhausted body and took a good, long nap -- make it happen.  Even if its just the time it takes to shower and brush your teeth in the morning.

What about you? How do you find time to rest?

Looking for a way to de-stress in five minutes?  I found some here.

solitude.

lessons along the way

After four tearful goodbyes, moving day finally arrived.  Now it's just me, my honey, my dad, two cats and more junk than I thought I would ever accumulate crammed into my good ol' Camry (known as Bumblebee to friends) and a Budget truck.  Thoughts abound, but I'm not quite sure how to make sense of them right now.  So, while those percolate, I thought I would share with you the top ten things that I have learned so far... in the 10 hours of driving from Redmond to Boise, ID.

Things I have learned... in no particular order:

1.  My '93 Toyota Camry doesn't have the A.C. I once thought it did, and once you get out of Western Washington it gets HOT.

2.  Cats hate when it's HOT... and hiss when they are about to start panting. (What?!?!)

3.  One surefire way to make the time go faster? Comedy sketches on iTunes. 

4.  USB powered fans... while theoretically genius... suck.  Not even a light breeze.

5.  After about 8 hours in a car, I get super sleepy and the only cure is Northwest Hip Hop.

6.  The only way to celebrate surviving the first day? Parmesan Garlic wings from the one and only Buffalo Wild Wings.  (Introduced my dad to the magic of Bee-dubs.  You're welcome, Mayme)

7.  Never let a wet feline into a litterbox (which leads us to number 8)

8. It sucks to give an emotional, overheated cat a bath (though the pain is less when you have a trustworthy honey by your side)

9.  Cats can climb your skin... and it hurts.

10.  Having your best friend by your side makes everything better.

Feeling grateful, exhausted, and loved.

* k *

instant comfort

I saw this and giggled with glee.  Then, I realized it might be exactly what I need someday.  

Or everyday.

Artwork by Kim Welling via Positive Inkling

a generational illness

Just to be clear, I am not an expert.  In anything.  But, I am a curious soul.

Over the course of the past few years, through conversations, observations and occasional personal research on the subject, I have found a passion in learning more about the culture of dieting and weight loss within our society and the intertwining of weight, self-esteem, diet success and self-worth, particularly when it comes to western women.

I am not immune to this disease of weight-based-self-evaluation.  As the curvy girl in a thin family, I have struggled for years to maintain confidence, to find value in my character rather than in my jeans size.  I have dieted, both on my own and through structured programs, joined gyms, made goals, and lost weight.  And, I have found myself on the other side.  Whether it was true or not (and believe me, 99.99999999% of the time, it wasn't), I have oftentimes felt devoid of self-worth because of my weight, or my diet, or the way those jeans cut into my curves.  I have felt the depths of pain in not measuring up to whatever standard I saw for myself.  Felt pathetic, cursed, incomplete and defeated.

For me, these moments did not and do not inspire me to health.  If I worked out harder, it was to find value in the way my body felt and looked.  If I ate less calories, it was to prove to myself and others that I was worthy.  It wasn't health.  I had bought into our culture of dieting and weight loss.  Whatever our weight, skinny, curvy, muscular and more, we allow it to dictate our daily self-worth, an evaluation that can ebb and flow hourly, daily, weekly (and, let's face it ladies, often coincides with the monthly visit from Mother Nature).

And these ideas, well, they are often passed down like a generational illness of self-hate and self-criticism.  I find my passions ignited when I think about the generations of women who have been affected by our cultural norms, our mothers or our mothers' mothers' mothers both consciously and unintentionally passing down a vision of external perfection and self-worth that continues to influence the deepest recesses of who we deem ourselves to be.  I watch as friends - beautiful, passionate, hilarious and inspirational sisters - doubt, demean and criticize themselves, becoming angry or depressed when they eat the wrong thing or look the wrong way... as if somehow that is all that they are.

I watch as I do the same thing.

And I want to change it.  I would love to hear personal insights -- to learn about your experiences, to learn more about how your family of origin, your culture of origin, has shaped your view of yourself, your body and your self-worth.  This is where my passion lies.  In self-worth.  In strengths-based self-change.  In knowing that we are beautiful, worthy and courageous.

my heart.

My heart and soul.

Crying on and off with love for these crazy love-monkeys.  I am blessed.

steve jobs

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it on living someone else's life.  Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking.  Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.  And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.  They somehow already know what you truly want to become.  Everything else is secondary."

-Steve Jobs-

the launch

After a few days of ferry rides, hikes, swims in the lake and more-than-I-could-ever-need S'mores-roasting, it's an interesting feeling being back amongst the comforts of home.  I am now caught in the no-man's-land between vacation and the official launch.  Three more days until the big move, and I find myself caught up in the moment.  I am soaking up every minute of family time, reveling in every hug (they seem bigger, more meaningful these days), and bracing myself for the random moments of holy-crap-I'll-miss-this-place (and these beautiful, hilarious people) emotion.

I've worked my last day, had my last therapy session (after 2 and a half beautiful, tearful years), and laughed and cried my way through our last (for now) full-family dinner, with both parents, all three siblings and significant others (a true feat for our once fragmented family o' divorce).

It takes me by surprise every time I think about it.  In three very short days, I take the big leap into the unknown.  I am launched, with the few, meaningful belongings and words of wisdom that I have collected, into the mystery.  There is so much to do, so much to soak in, so much that I want to hold in and so much that I am excited to experience.  I am lacking the words to capture it all.

Risk is frightening.  But I am reminded to be brave and to trust my intuition, remembering the depths of support found in those who love me.

fiery

This evening, I was speaking with a very dear friend about who we desire to be -- I don't mean the career aspirations, though that can definitely be a part of personal purpose.  What I mean is the essence of who we are, the energy we exude, what we want to authentically bring to the table.  It's not about some kind of mask or changing into someone different - that, in fact, would be against the whole purpose - but actually who you, in your authentically, beautiful, sometimes-broken self, want to be.

Last September, I entered into a graduate program in the Seattle area with the goal of obtaining my masters in counseling.  And, while I ultimately decided this past February to withdraw from the program (that's another story, which, rest-assured, will be revealed), the program itself was life-changing, self-altering and soul-freeing -- and an experience that has led me to this place.

While I was there, I met some of the most incredible people I have ever had the blessing to encounter.  Smart, strong, self-reflective, these souls are authentic, courageous and passionate -- and set on changing the world, or even simply themselves (which, let's face it, is a miracle in and of itself), to be more compassionate, reflective.  These encounters -- along with a heck of a lot of self-reflection -- inspire me to live boldly.

For me?  I want to be fiery, strong, courageous, brave.  I want to be woman to behold -- not in intimidation or fear -- but one with purpose, strength, boldness and compassion.  I want to love deeply and wholly.  I want to relinquish fear and step into growth, change and a full life.  I want to inspire... myself.  I want to be my authentic self, confident, humble, and joyful -- to allow myself and others to love themselves and care for themselves.  

These are not parts of me that I have to conjure up, they are not foreign pieces that I somehow need to use to mask my insecurities or failings.  They are me.  Within me, I have the strength to be this woman. I am this woman.

Believe me, as a perpetual should-girl, do-gooder and live-in-the-box-they-made-for-me resident, I know how hard this is.  Everyday, everyday, I work to overcome the self-doubt and external judgment (real or imaginary) that presses against who I am.  And sometimes, I feel an internal caving. But, at the end of the day, I am the only one who gets to be me.  And I'm kind of liking the fiery woman I see.

* k *

fitting for today.

A reminder from Rhi, one of my favorite freelance illustrators 

(make sure you check out her ellolovey collection on Etsy). 

We are so afraid of risk-taking -- choosing to stick with the commonplace and known instead of free-falling into adventure.  In a lot of ways, it's easier to know what you can expect, even if it's painful, than to dive into something different and not know the outcome, not know the kind of pain that you might endure.

It seems that someone out there is set on reminding me to continue taking risks -- but those risks don't need to be big ones.  My risk today?  Choosing to trust in my own decisions instead of letting what others might think determine my own worth.  It took a total of 30 minutes (for those who aren't eternal ruminators, it would probably take a lot less time) -- and a whole lot of internal reminders.  But, for me, it was a risk, something out of the ordinary -- and, oddly, it gave me a boost of energy and a depth of confidence that calmed me.  

What risks are you taking?  What risks do you wish you could take?

* k *

when the going gets tough

A little inspiration for your day.

* k *

image credit: molly jacques via positive inkling

my honey

why, hello there.

I am so grateful, so humbled that you have happened upon my little blog.  I imagine the best way to start what I hope will be a long and beautiful friendship is by simply introducing myself... yes?  If only it were so simple...

In a little over a week, I begin what I have recently heard referred to (and totally adore) as the free fall.  The big risk.  The adventure.  After a year and a half of long-distance love, I am moving to Flagstaff, Arizona to join my honey in the adventure of a lifetime.  Diving into the unknown, making waves and creating change.  It's exhilarating, terrifying, anxiety-provoking and adrenaline-producing!

I am a should-girl.  The one who has walked the straight and narrow, picked the path of least resistance, a life of black and white when there is an exciting world of colors out there.  But, after a beautiful year of spiritual freedom and self-growth, not to mention the confused and turmoil-soaked experience of moving back home, I find myself actively fighting the guilt instinct and turning to what I truly desire for myself, a life of boldness.

My desire for this endeavor is to connect, entertain, and hopefully engage in a conversation about what it means to live boldly - through health, wellness, risk-taking and true freedom.  You'll find photos, inspiration, reflection and (hopefully) entertaining musings -- but I want to learn from you, too! Email, comment, connect.

Here's to a year of living boldly!

* k *